Every once in a while, I don’t know what it is – maybe the stars line up, maybe she eats an in season Honeycrisp apple, maybe she wakes up without an alarm long after the sun has risen, and from her bed, pulls the blinds open and just lies there staring at the changing leaves in the chill sunny tree tops until she is good and ready to set her heavy and sensitive feet on the floor. Every once in a while, the conditions are perfect to manifest One Of Those Women who rule the world.
One of those women who rule the world is a legend in spirit. None who meet her forget “the light” (everyone always says those words around One Of Those Women). Her limbs are the perfect combination of athlete and Betty Boop. How do some women get so lucky? Does it feel good to live the life of someone who might be a teenager, or a bursting woman or a wise lover? She dances in front of mirrors and she frightens those who are protective, repressed and afraid. The words “I love you” float from the inside space on the top of the heart, up over the vocal chords in an airy announciation. She says “I love you” to me.
And I don’t know how I fit in. And I don’t know if I am pretty enough. And I don’t know if I’m feminine enough. But I’m definitely not stoopid enough to let my insecurities keep me from letting her love me.
One of those women who rule the world shapeshifts in front of my eyes. One moment she is a little girl raised by strong women. One moment she is a spoiled princess. She rules the world like a black hole rules the cosmos – she brings everything to her. They all quest toward her mecca. She knows she is the Mecca. She swims through life. She is in love with the light. Her touch is soft and filled with purpose. She knows she has the power. She powerfully and purposefully touches me.
And I am afraid to be alone. And I exhausted by intimacy. And I don’t even know whom I am. But I definitely won’t allow my own vulnerabilities to keep her away from me.
It is almost too much for me, keeping the company of women who rule the world. We rehearse the same rituals, we discuss the same topics, we day dream the same shade of lavender and don’t know why. Eventually we shed the same blood and share the same bed and when one stays courageous in the face of insecurity and vulnerability, eventually the conditions are perfect and you, too, may wake up without an alarm like one of those women.